How Rude

I am always amazed at how rude some people can be.

First example happened at my local gym. There was a woman in the locker room who decided this was a good place to take a phone call. While she was on the phone, she walked back to the area where the toilet stalls are located. She continued her conversation back there, when someone, yes, flushed the toilet. When this person walked out, the first woman stopped her phone call and said to the person exiting said stall “can’t you see I’m on the phone?” Okay, there are so many things wrong with this, but I couldn’t believe she had the audacity to think this, much less say it out loud. First of all, the woman already in the stall had no idea that the other woman was on the phone (the doors are not see through for a reason). Second, why on earth would you take a call in a locker room and then walk around, especially back to the area where the toilets and showers are located.  And why would she think that a toilet is more mobile than a phone? Um, hello, but use your brain, say to the caller “excuse me for a moment, I’m in the locker room, let me go outside so we can talk unimpeded” if the call is that important that you must take it at that exact moment. The world does not revolve around you, nor should you expect it to.

The next example hits closer to home. As a parent of a girl adopted from China I have encountered many people who feel it’s okay to ask me the most personal of questions. Or make assumptions about my child bearing capabilities. The fact that I’m even writing that sentence is a sad commentary on peoples manners these days.

I would have people say, “oh, I’m so sorry you couldn’t have a child of your own.” Or “how much did she cost?” “You know, there are treatments that you or your husband could try.” And the kicker “how can you love her, she’s not really your own child.” And what made it that much worse was they would ask in front of my daughter, not taking in to account that she has ears, she can hear what they are saying. Now at the age of two maybe she couldn’t understand the question, but as she got older and we would still get asked these questions, she began to wonder and then ask me what these people meant.

Most of the time I would just look at them in bewilderment, astounded that they could even formulate these ideas, much less speak them into existence. On occasion I would think not nice words in my head and then politely responded with an “oh, okay” and walk away. Then there were a few times, when my daughter wasn’t around, my sarcastic side would take over and I would ask them about their financial situation or sex life or any other completely inappropriate question just to see how they would respond. That usually shut down the conversation pretty quickly.

I admit, there were those people that were asking because they genuinely wanted to know and understand the entire international adoption process. And you could tell that they weren’t meaning to be rude, they simply were trying to engage in a conversation. But that was a small percentage of the people. The rude ones, well it was like meeting a real life troll. Maybe it made them feel better about themselves to put others down. Maybe this is just what they were taught and they didn’t know any better. Maybe it was just their prejudice and ignorance showing. I don’t know. But it broke my heart, every time. The fact that someone could think that I didn’t love my daughter just as much as they loved their own child, just because I didn’t go through what they thought of as the normal the physical of having a baby, astounded me and still does to this day.

So on behalf of all adoptive families out there, please, if you want to ask us about it, think before you speak. Actually, that really should just be the rule that we all follow in any given situation. The world would be a much better place.

Life In A TARDIS

For those that know me or have hung around this site for any length of time, you know that I can’t stay in one place for a long time. The fact that I lived in Georgia for 14 year still amazes me. By the time the next chapter begins, I will have been in Washington for 8 years. But I come from a family of travelers. My grandparents immigrated here and moved many times during their lifetime. My father used to travel for business and on occasion I got to go along. For a while my husband traveled for work and when we could, the kid and I would accompany him to some of the more fun destinations.

TARDISWhich brings me to sometime in the future. If I could, and more importantly, if it existed, I would choose to live in a TARDIS*. Imagine, traveling to anywhere in time and space. All the history you could see first hand, all the technology you could experience that will be invented in the future. Not to mention the possibility of meeting other races, because they have to be out there. But since that technology is not currently available to use normal folks, we’ll have to settle for the next best thing.

An RV. Yes, a recreational vehicle. A house on wheels. A tiny house, yet it could be bigger on the inside (like  a TARDIS) if we get the right one. We’re still in the research phase right now. Planning to attend the RV show in February, checking out websites, reviews, options, saving pennies, nickels, dimes, quarters, and dollars. Looking at both 5th wheels, trucks to tow with, and motorhomes. Keeping in mind that there will have to be room for a workspace for the husband, after all we can’t retire just yet, enough height and leg room for me (because I haven’t found a way to make myself shorter), and a place for the kid to come visit, if she decides she can “rough it” for a time.

Advantages to living this style of life – the ability to go where we want, when we want. Visit friends for extended periods of time without having to impose on their hospitality. Too cold, head south. Too hot, head north. Go see the places we’ve wanted to see across the country, while still having the comforts of home. Yes, there will be some disadvantages too and we’re not discounting those. They will be considered as well before making any final decisions.

It is still a ways off yet before we can do this. Maybe by then TARDIS technology will be available ;-)

* For those not familiar with a TARDIS & Doctor Who, a brief definition from Wikipedia

The TARDIS[nb 1][1] (/ˈtɑːdɪs/; Time and Relative Dimension in Space)[nb 2] is a time machine and spacecraft in the British science fiction television programme Doctor Who and its associated spin-offs The Sarah Jane Adventures, Torchwood and more.

A TARDIS is a product of the advanced technology of the Time Lords, an extraterrestrial civilisation to which the programme’s central character, the Doctor, belongs. A properly maintained and piloted TARDIS can transport its occupants to any point in time and any place in the universe. The interior of a TARDIS is much larger than its exterior, which can blend in with its surroundings using the ship’s “chameleon circuit”. TARDISes also possess a degree of sentience (which has been expressed in a variety of ways ranging from implied machine personality and free will through to the use of a conversant avatar) and provide their users with additional tools and abilities including a telepathically based universal translation system.”

Quagmire

I’m sitting here debating with myself whether or not to wade into this quagmire… But I have to ask, because I am genuinely wondering, what does anyone expect to accomplish by looting, vandalising, and terrorising neighborhoods, people, or entire cities?

The other question I have is, why does the media find it necessary to sensationalize and stir the pot, only adding fuel to the fire. What happened to responsible, ethical reporting?

I’m finding the older I get, the more questions I have and the less answers I’m able to find.

New York Times Mock Up

Sadly this is such a true commentary of life these days. Credit to @joeveix on Twitter

What’s That Smell?

In keeping with the theme that I seem to have been creating here lately, I kept on thinking more about the things that trigger certain memories. Smells seem to be the most compelling trigger for me.

We have two rose bushes in front of the house. I didn’t plant them, they were here when we moved in. I had no idea what color they were going to bloom, so I was awaiting the display once spring came around. They turned out to be a beautiful yellow with just a hint of pink on the buds before they opened and very fragrant. In this case it was the color that brought back to mind my first “crush” in 4th or maybe 5th grade. For my birthday that year he gave me a choker necklace – I’m sure his mom picked it out – but it was a gold wire with 3 beads in the middle. They were heart shaped white beads with yellow roses painted on either side. To this day when I see yellow roses I am reminded of him.

Any time I smell burnt toast I am reminded of childhood and our neighbors across the street. They had a big family, 5 or 6 kids depending on who was home from school at the time. When ever I would go to their house, no matter the time of day, there was a lingering smell of burnt toast. When I smell that today, I can vividly picture their house in my mind, the plastic slip covers over the furniture, the vinyl chairs around the kitchen table, the laughter and shouting that came along with such a big family.

Honeysuckle is one of my all time favorite scents. The memories that surround that smell are many. Ask my parents or other close family members and they will certainly relate the story of my trying to make honeysuckle flower honey and wanting to sell it to the neighbors. When the process became to tedious, the friend that was helping me and I came up with the plan to stuff the baby food jars we were using with the blossoms and sell them as “do it yourself” kits. 5 cents a piece, it was a bargain for sure. And don’t you know, we sold out of those kits that same afternoon.

The late summer nights spent playing with friends, the air heavy with the scent of honeysuckle, cut grass, a charcoal grill, and the many other fragrances of flowers blooming around the neighborhood – any of those take me back to a simpler time. Because we lived close enough to the zoo we could hear the lions roar at night and the peacocks squawk during the day. The animal noises from the zoo, along with the whirring of the box fan in my window, was the soundtrack to my childhood bedtime routine.

Tell me, what are some of the smells, sounds, or tastes that bring back memories for you?

honeysuckle