Birth Parents

China dollIf you’ve been following this blog for any period of time, you know that I am the mother to a beautiful daughter, adopted from China. She will be 9 in less than a month, and she is starting to ask those “difficult” questions. No, not the birds & bees questions, but the birth parent questions. Being that she is from China, we have no idea of who her birth parents are or where they were even from. If you don’t know, China has a very restrictive one child policy and often times the mothers will travel to other provinces to give birth and abandon their babies in order to not get caught.

As her parents, we do know some information about where she was found and who found her. We know of her time spent in the orphanage, the fact that she had a “foster” family there, she was healthy, happy, and liked to be outside. We have medical information, although it’s in Chinese so unless someone can translate it, I can’t tell what it means.

She asked the other day, did anyone know my mom in China? No honey, no one knew her? Well how did I get to the orphanage? Someone, we don’t know if it was a man or woman, brought you there. Maybe it was my mom or dad? No sweetheart, it’s unlikely that it was either one of them. Someday I will tell you the entire story, but not today. Okay. Is it scary? No, it’s just right now isn’t the time to get into all the details. And she left it at that.

I will tell her the truth when it comes time to answer her questions. I have documentation and photos to show her. But I am also scared. Scared of how she will react to being “abandoned”. Left alone, outside, on a sidewalk, only 4 days old. I’m 42 and the thought of that breaks my heart every time. What would a child think?

So to all the adoptive parents out there – have you had to handle these questions? If so, at what age did you have to deal with them? How did you answer? How much did you answer?


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